Not everyone is aware, but I used to suffer from rather crippling social anxiety, and to some degree, I still do. Though I’m much better at winning.

I rarely attended social events that were not hosted by friends, and I definitely didn’t go alone. Talking to strangers was something to turn me into a hyperventilating heap of shaking, crying, fear. This used to put a huge strain on my ability to take photos, in fact, I didn’t take pictures of anything unless it was inanimate.

However, I had the luck of winning the postcode lottery and receiving cognitive behavioural therapy. It was quite literally, a life saver.

I had six or so months of group therapy (for social anxiety, go figure). And it gave me the coping mechanisms and kicked my “bad thought processes” in the ass.

It’s a process that you never really stop doing. Every time I do something that would normally have been a no-go, I still go through the whole process. Though now, the thought process has gone from “oh christ I need to tell my therapist I did a thing that scared me, oh f*ck” to “I don’t care how scary this is, I’m bloody well doing it“. Though it’s the physical symptoms that sometimes still get me, I’ve learnt that doing the thing before they take over helps.

My most recent victory?

I photographed a strangers wedding. Solo. *Wooooo*

I’ve only ever photographed strangers weddings as a second. And only ever gone solo on friends weddings. It was terrifying but I did it, and I’m so happy that I’m now able to do a thing that I love so much.